Some things I said to my patients that might resonate with others too:
- As a parent, you're usually trying to respond to your child/children's needs. However, when your own emotional reserve is depleted, your behaviour can be more impulsive, reactive, and not what you genuinely want. That doesn't make you a bad parent. Just a normal human trying to do their best with what they have. Be kind and considerate towards yourself and don't gauge yourself against that behaviour.
- You might not look the part during your frantic pick-ups and drop-offs and pre/after-school activities. But please remember to nurture your own emotional well-being first rather than just making an effort to dress up and hide behind a mask. Your children might not benefit as much with all that running around where you are 'in transit' to and from places only to land at 'meal time and then bedtime routines.' Please leave spare time regularly to have unscheduled moments with your children and loved ones. Just be WITH them and yourself in an authentic way. Your bonding and relationship will thrive.
- We often end up chasing an illusion of a goal.
- This is what good parenting looks like
- This is what success looks like
- This is what happiness looks like
- This is what normal looks like
In order to be real, use actual tangible behaviours rather than vague terms like good, normal, success and happiness.
What would you be doing, saying, choosing and following as a good parent? Is that realistic? Is that sustainable?
What relationship and life choices would you be making to work towards success? Are they in alignment with your values?
What would you be doing to be happy? Who would you spend time with?
What works for you might not work for someone else, yet they can both be considered normal.
Matching expectations and aligning them with realistic and tangible behavioural goals leads to fulfilment.
There is no permanence in anything; happiness, health, success, sadness, disappointment, anger etc.
Things we do in life are and will be (a work in progress).
That’s life and it is going to remain unpredictable, challenging and requiring effort and commitment.
However, all of those things truly make the work and effort worthwhile. We would be bored to death otherwise, right?
I hope you all show yourselves compassion and kindness with respectful understanding and persist with this ‘work in progress.’
Because that is normal.
