'I never discussed this before because I thought it was normal'
'Most women in my family went through this the same way so I thought it's normal'
'Everyone is tired and busy, I thought nothing much of mine too.'
'I didn't want anyone to worry so I didn't think it was something I should talk about.'
These statements are repeated continuously in different contexts all the time in consults and need individualised attention. Sometimes the ‘normality’ is appropriate and needs some specific guidance and recommendations and at other times it needs a focused approach.
Pregnancy-related conditions and experiences, labour and post-partum challenges along with parenting transitions can be a significant yet invisible burden for many women and their families.
The expectations and predictions can be contrasting and quite conflicting at times. A pregnant 24-year-old with anaemia will experience fatigue and exhaustion that is very different to one who does not have anaemia. Once you add variables like having other dependents, a full-time job, a partner who mostly travels for work and minimal social support, that exhaustion can look and present very differently.
Once experiencing that level of vulnerability with no immediate resolution despite appropriate management of anaemia, the experience of pregnancy and navigating unknown/unpredictable situations during childbirth and post-partum can suddenly make the ‘having/raising a child’ idea turn into a very exhausting process and can compromise judgement.
Unfortunately, having no physical health issues and a healthy and thriving baby can also put a strain on the mother or father if their partner is usually away for work/other commitments.
The absence of a community and a village where child rearing usually was a process of shared responsibilities without compromising care, modern life has become quite isolating for many women when they enter this phase.
Furthermore, their career choices and social expectations can also put more strain on them. The increasing cost of living has pushed many families into a work-work cycle with very little time for themselves that starts to impact their communication and subsequently their relationships.
I have not yet touched upon the impact of fertility treatments as well as high-risk pregnancies where just conceiving and sustaining that pregnancy is an exhausting rollercoaster ride for couples for multiple reasons.
With every case and the multiple variables, it is never ‘just another pregnancy.’ Similarly every transition is layered with challenges that are specific to that particular couple but they can be applied to the general population broadly.
The invisibility of this burden can be a significant risk factor in most cases. It’s really important that we show kindness and support by our words and actions that help them feel less ‘alone.’ While they are grappling with their new roles along with other existing life challenges, that confusion and grief can impact them negatively in various ways.
Recommendations for support/counselling through your GP and maternal child health nurses is encouraged because you are not alone.
Mums Matter Psychology offers counselling to pregnant women and those with infants up to 12 months old and can provide help and support during these transitions. Other organisations with resources include:
- PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) — provides free and confidential support to expectant and new parents up to 12 months post birth
- COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence)
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, or exhausted, please speak to your GP.
